THRIVE OR SURVIVE MINDSET

Thrive or Survive

MINDSET is defined as an established set of attitudes held by someone. Attitude makes all the difference to how we experience things don't you think?

How does a certain mindset or attitude develop for us as we get older?

It is a result of the experiences we have had in our life. A collection of judgements we make based on how we perceive things. It is a learned behaviour that we do over and over again that creates deep set impressions in our brain that then becomes and automatic mechanism to show up when the brain goes into auto-pilot mode.

Research shows that mindsets play a significant role in determining life's outcomes. By understanding, adapting and shifting our mindset, we can improve our health, decrease our stress and become more resilient to life's challenges. It is an important tool that affects our daily self-dialogue and reinforces our most intimate beliefs, attitudes and feelings about ourselves.

As we go through perimenopause and menopause, we are perfectly placed to address our mindset because we are physically experiencing one of life's challenges and pretty dramatic and massive changes in our body and brain.

How we want to go through this transitional phase really depends on how we approach it.

Quite often we cling to the idea of wanting to be who we used to be or how we felt and especially how we looked. The physical changes that our body goes through when it starts depleting in hormones can be quite dramatic sometimes. We start to feel different within ourselves. We often feel out of control.

The view of society or cultural belief that women in menopause are no longer women or jokes about being "hormonal" has to and is slowly changing. If you are one of these people who feels like you are less "feminine", please STOP! You are beautiful inside and out, you are a goddess. You are enough!

Often, we attach ourselves to identities and expectations of ourselves based on so many external factors.

To name a few:

- Images of how we need to look and feel that we have conjured up in our minds from a very young age.

- Generations of societal expectations of us as women.

- The need to keep up appearances and feel like we are in control.

- Expectations of what we believe people expect us to be.

Whether we experience menopause as just a transitional phase or whether we hate it and feel like its the worst thing that has happened to us and that we are being punished really depends on our mindset.

Is it frustrating for you to read that especially if you are going through dreadfully chronic symptoms? I still believe that you can get through it in a much better way, if you start to alter the way you think about menopause and what can sometimes seem like an unfair debilitating shake up your body is going through.

How can you change our menopause journey from travelling like a fragile, vindictive, scary, emotional wreck to a nurturing, caring, loving and calm goddess? Because that is what you are. I'm repeating myself. You are a goddess! Always remember that.

Here are some simple things you can do to train the thriving mindset.

Acceptance

Accept that you are going through this change in your life. You cannot change it. You might not want it to happen but it is going to happen. Are you clinging on to your past? This relates to everything not just physical appearance. How you are feelings, what you can physically do. It is all likely to change and it can go in any direction. You can start to accept what you are going through, the way you look and your abilities and work from there up. Look into the now and the future, don't look back. Appreciate and accept your current situation and all that is around you. Let go of the "why me" attitude.

Attitude

Focus on positives in your life. Bring gratitude in to each and every situation. How can you flip your view on things. How can you make the sometimes unpleasant experience you are going through into a positive one. Can you bring humor into the situation? Can you think of it as a passing moment, and look forward to what happens after. Most often removing the stress and the anxiety around the situation that is going to arise (say a hot flash) has an immediate impact on alleviates or at least addressing the severity of the symptoms.

Language

How you talk about your experience, what words you use, how you perceive yourself plays a big role in how you endure this journey. This is closely related to the point above Attitude. Words affect energy and emotions not only within us but also for people around us. Choose your words wisely. "oh I cant do that I'm old" or "yeah let me try that and see if I can still do it". Before you go to bed are you thinking thoughts like "I'm going to have a bad sleep again tonight" or "I am doing all the right things to make me restful and relaxed before I sleep through the night"

Being Proactive

Research, educate yourself, find out as much information as you can. What you go through is completely unique to you. It is not what your mother went through or what your friend might be going through. Only you know what your body is doing and you are in the best place to manage it. Know within yourself that you are your best teacher. Put yourself on top priority. Find out what you can do for your symptoms. Educate yourself. When you know why something is happening in your body then you can find a solution.

Like in Buddhism "if we understand that suffering is not eternal and that freedom and everlasting happiness is attainable once the cause of suffering is halted, we will aspire to achieve freedom. That aspiration inspires us to seek the method to achieve it. This method is the fourth noble truth of the path.

Our method becomes how we choose to target these symptoms and reduce their severity.

Self Care

Put your "self" on top priority. Remember the "airplane safety procedure" to put your life jacket on before doing it for the family member beside you. Only when you make time for yourself, can you give back from a place of abundance. Self care has many different forms. Health and wellness, rest and relaxation, making choices that support your decision to thrive, being kind to yourself. When you feel cared (even though its by yourself) you are in a stronger position to shift your mindset as your brain starts to associate this transitions to the rewards you are gifting yourself.

Finding a purpose

Quite often, women going through menopause are at a stage in their life where they might have an empty nest or at the tail end of their career or stuck in a job they really want to finish. To bring some meaning and joy into our life, find a purpose. This purpose can be an old hobby you were always drawn to but didn't make time for. It might be a neighbour you go and help or a local charity you fundraise for. It might be gardening or singing or finding a new hobby. It can be absolutely anything but do it for the pure joy of it. Do it for yourself. Even if you have a very successful career and one that you enjoy or have an empire you are running. Even then, find a purpose that is outside of your work. Finding a purpose gives you direction and drive to feel good and be present which in turn shifts your mindset.

Connection

You are not alone. There are thousands of women in the world who have gone through this and who are currently going through it. In your own friend circles, women your age will be going through it. Connect with them, talk about it, laugh and joke about it. Share your funny moments (yes I'm not using the word problem or symptoms) share the laughs and that will in turn impact your mindset.

It is in our hands to thrive through our menopause transition not just survive it.

A dedicated practice of yoga, helps in addressing all of these factors because it works from inside out. I look forward to explain how, next time.

with gratitude,

Purnima