The Insightful Connection: Between a Pre-Teen's Sequin Indian Top and My Poop-Eating Dog!

She is CUTE! but this is the cuddly poop eating machine I am talking about.

Yes there is a connection and can you guess what it is? In this blog, you will learn the subtle ways life intertwines to teach us a bit more about ourselves. All you need to do is be present to observe and aware and open to learn. It might also help you iron out a few things in your mind.

Life puts you in a myriad situations each day. Most of them you meander through without realising, that, right there in that moment, is a lesson for you. A shining opportunity for you to pause, learn and grow.

It was mufti (wear normal clothes to school) day at my daughter's school, celebrating different cultures. NZ is slowly becoming diverse in its cultural topography which is great. But even so, in my daughter's class she is probably the only one who has an Indian mum (me) and a NZ European dad.

I was proud of her showing off her half Indian heritage! and I was positive she was too. However she is a pre-teen with awkward bones and an even more awkward approach to life in general. "NO WAY" was her response to wearing that pretty pink, strappy, sequin top that she wore to a wedding in India! "No way" even if it looked VERY chic and trendy with her black cargos and a dark denim jacket!

"NO WAY" even if I told her I would buy her treats after school (DRAT! ) I completely forgot about bribing parenting technique that day because I was LIVID!!

I was seething with rage! why couldn't my daughter be proud of being half Indian. Couldn't she see that she was a beautiful blend of the two cultures? Didn't she want to share her cultural background with the school!?

I dropped her off at school with a promise that she would at least consider wearing the top if she felt comfortable doing so, knowing fully well that she had taken a t-shirt to change into after sports.

I was SO ANGRY! I burst into tears on the way back. Why was she doing this? All I was expecting from her was to be proud of her indian background and culture!

And that is when it hit me. Therein lies the reason behind my anger!

Expectation! It is my expectation of her and all of these behaviours I want from her that is making me angry!

She just is a normal 12 year old, not wanting to stand out in her class room. So I had to get rid of all my frustrations and grow up! Be a 'new age' parent and move away from the 'indian parenting' style of how I had been raised. Replace my expectations and demands with suggestions, encouragement and LETTING GO!

What has this got to do with my poop eating Indie! My dog also brings about this RAGE inside me when I see her skulking and having a nice mouthful of the crunchy dry... blarg(h) poop! (think i just vomited in my mouth)

I have to use ALL my yoga POWER to stop myself from giving her a verbal thrashing when I see her eat poop! OMG how disgusting. No I just can't get used to the idea of it. blarg(h)

This is because she too is letting me down with my expectations and is crossing the boundary of what I consider to be right/wrong. I know this is not the best example of boundaries but as I walk her everyday I wait to see how my reactions will pan out. Can I manage to react slightly less intensely when I see her doing the DIRRRTY deed? My reactions are improving over time. But that does not mean to say that my boundaries have moved. It just means that I am managing my expectations a bit better.

Look I know I have repulsed you with this dog poop story but let it be a reminder for you when uncontrollable rage knocks at your door. Check to see what or who is stepping over your boundary line.

The common theme here if you haven't got it already is Anger.

The American Psychological Association describes: Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems. Anger is a secondary emotion which comes up when we first experience fear, loss, helplessness, vulnerability.

• Anger gets heightened in Perimenopause because of hormones.

• Lack of hormones can cause all sorts of symptoms. Anger could show up for no reason and most unexpectedly.

• You may be feeling fine in one moment and in the next get intense feelings of resentment and frustration.

• People around you, your family, colleagues at work might notice that you are less tolerant of things that you have not had a problem with before. You might seem less patient with situation and people.

I also think it in some situations it can be because there is an underlying emotion that you have spent years not expressing clearly. Your thoughts, feelings and all of that collected angst comes to the forefront and you are perhaps now at the end of your tether.

You also have so much else going on in your body and mind that you care less about what people think.

In Perimenopause it is called unexplained rage. Is it really unexplained?

Are you able to find an explanation or a reasoning behind why you feel the way you feel?

When you pause and take a breath: preferably before the eruption of mount vesuvius from your mouth or head or even post event, after you have finished the guilt ridden, helpless and crying. Whenever that moment of pause arrives, you can trace back steps to see the actual cause of this anger. The primary emotion that you surpassed to reach anger. That primary emotion might be settled deep down into the depths of your emotional haystack. It might date back to pre-perimenopause.

How many expectations from your people are you holding on to? Have you communicated them? How many boundaries have been crossed or broken in the past? How many fears and vulnerabilities have you suppressed?

Once you identify the trigger then you can work with solutions towards softening and melting that deep set emotion.

OK, I know, I am not a psychologist, and I am not trying to be. I am a yoga student and educator but YOGA is my teacher and it has taught me to go deeper than the initial emotion that rises up so quickly. Yoga is my therapist time and again.

I can teach you yoga techniques that will help you 'work in' with these emotions by working through the body. One of the best yoga modalities to cope with these angry bouts is Pranayam.

This week I am doing a facebook and instagram live on Pranayam.

I will teach 3 techniques

1. to cool the body (also good for hot flashes)

2. balance out the hemispheres of the brain, the yin and yang

3. soothe the nervous system by closing the 8 gates of perception 

Each of these techniques whilst they have specific outcomes also work on addressing anger within.

Head over to our supportive dedicated facebook group to learn yoga that will help you elevate your work life balance.

If you despise social media you can also join my online weekly pause email list where I send out updates and info on yoga and perimenopause to help you thrive at work.

If you are on instagram, give me a follow. I am hosting a live with an yoga teacher and business owner who is also an acupuncturist and is thriving through perimenopause using acupuncture so join me next week 22nd, more details to follow.

gratitude always,